I have a confession to make.

I was not at all in the holiday spirit this year. Not religiously, not secularly, none of it. If anything, I’ve been avoiding it. I didn’t decorate at all. I haven’t gone to any special services. I haven’t attended any parties. It’s been just another day. Just another month. Not to say that I’m not glad others having a good time and I am incredibly grateful for the gifts sweet friends and family have blessed me with this year, but it’s like watching a TV show from a far. It doesn’t feel real (Though nothing specific has happened to set this off. I truly can’t place my apathy this year outside of neurons misfiring in my brain). 

Depression is a very real thing for many come the holidays. It can be due to a myriad of issues from work problems to family issues to just the sheer overplayed holiday songs that you’ve heard for decades that make you want to punch a wall (unless it’s Carol of the Bells. Who doesn’t like that epic movie-sounded piece?!). For some, like me, it’s simply chemical imbalances that like to go off at the most inopportune times.

So alas, I have no pretty pictures to share from this year, no special outfit or photoshoot. But I shall leave you with fun pictures from a couple years ago when my mental illnesses hadn’t reared their ugly heads yet. It was a truly lovely day when a couple friends and I volunteered as our superhero alter egos at a local children’s hospital. That year I was able to give of myself physically to make others smile during the holidays. (You can read all about there here. Of course we had to step outside afterwards for some super shenanigans. I’ve not shared these before, so please enjoy!)

Every holiday season has its ups and downs for everyone. One year may be delightful and the next dismal. During these holidays, remember those who suffer silently and be kind to yourself if you’re one of them. The holiday season is for you too. <3

Photographs: Chelsea Patricia Photography